this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize