That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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