The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
