Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
