I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
