in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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