You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
