Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
