I wish you could order shots online.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need moral support for this bender
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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