He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
