You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
