we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
