So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
