yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Rumble strips road head = magical
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize