Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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