I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
