gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
