the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
