I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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