remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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