dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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