AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
