just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
