i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
