just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
