There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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