It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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