If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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