okay pat passed out under dana's car
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
