If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
