Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize