If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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