Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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