someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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