No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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