best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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