these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
