Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
