I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
