She is in my trunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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