Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
