meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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