Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
