her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
