some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
