I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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