He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
