Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
