how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
