I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
