She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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