saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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