2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
only you would photoshop your dick
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
