I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
