I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
