If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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