It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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