just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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