You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize