o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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