you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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