Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pooping to opera.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
