I just saw a hot homeless man
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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