apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
