She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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