Four minutes until I can fart!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
