Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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