I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
