i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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