I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
