i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
