Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
