On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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