come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
