HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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