Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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