This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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