WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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